It's Not a Snog Box?
by dschram
Summary: The Tardis creates a special room... This story explains where the Doctor went after 4 days of watching the cubes during "The Power of Three". [Notes to the reader are in between the square brackets and in italics.]


IT'S NOT A SNOG BOX?

"You can't just leave, Doctor," stated Rory.

"Yes, course I can," asserted the Doctor. "Quick jaunt; restore sanity. Ooh, hey!" He said draping his arms over both Rory and Amy._ "_Come, if you like."

Brian interjects, "They can't just go off like that."

"Can't they? Can't you? That's how it goes, isn't it?" The Doctor answered a little bit perturbed.

Rory emphasized, "I've got my job."

"Oh, yes, Rory, the universe is awaiting, but you have a little job to go to," The Doctor said in a somewhat snarky manner.

"It's not little." Rory said proudly. "It's important to me. Look, what you do isn't all there is."

"I never said it was," replied the Doctor backing off. "All right, fine. I'll be back, soon. Monitor the cubes. Call me. I'll have the Tardis set to every Earth newsfeed."

Everyone then left the Doctor by himself in the blue box. With its usual sounds it faded from the Pond's sitting room; dematerializing into the vortex.

"Hmm, alone with my thoughts… What do you think Old Girl?" He said addressing the Tardis, not expecting to get an answer. "Where to go? What to see?" he said out loud to himself as he leaned against the console.

Slowly he felt an impression forming in his mind, becoming a rather compelling influence. He recalled saying _'mostly_ _kissing'_ to Rory earlier and then later stating to Amy that he needed to be '_busy'_."Got to be busy, hmm …kissing…Ah…ooh! River…my wife! ... good suggestion," he patted the console in appreciation. The Doctor then twirled around to the telepathic circuits, carefully laid his hands on them, closed his eyes and clearing his mind of everything else, in deep concentration distinctly said, "Take me to a version of River that really, really needs me."

In her cell at the Stormcage containment facility, a curly haired woman sat on the end of her cot with legs crossed, elbow on her knee and chin in her hand. A sad quite forlorn look was on her face as her foot swished back and forth. She let out a big sigh. All of a sudden there was a vworp-vworp noise gradually getting louder. Her foot suddenly stopped moving and her chin instantly rose from her hand. Then quickly uncrossing her legs she grabbed for her diary as a smile of delight spread across her face. Enthusiastically she bounced off the cot, toes twitching.

As soon as it appeared in her cell the blue door flung open. A brown floppy haired head poked out and adamantly insisted, "Come along, Song!" then promptly popped back. Without hesitation she flew through the door; he was already at the controls. The blue box vanished as quickly as it had materialized.

Once stabilized in the vortex, he welcomed her as she fell into his open arms. River reached under his tweed jacket holding him firmly. "Hey, you okay? You're trembling," he worriedly mentioned while soothingly rubbing her back.

Without a word she pulled back slightly, looked him in the eye for a split second and proceeded to snog him senseless. He quickly adjusted and kissed her back just as fiercely. She moaned as their tongues met and her shaking eased off a bit. He then pulled her in even tighter as his hips naturally thrust forward.

"Doctor?"

"Hmm?" he replied in a somewhat dazed state unable to utter actual words.

"That's not your sonic in your trouser pocket," she stated matter-of-factly with a grin.

"Nope… happy… to see you… wife," he replied in between a succession of quick kisses. That statement produced a delightful chuckle on her part and a big cheeky grin on his. He relocated himself to a console chair while she situated herself in his lap at his gestured request before inquiring, "When are you?"

"This is the third version I've seen of you today."

"Third?" he said in astonishment.

"Yes, the first was when you dropped me off after America."

"Oh, yeah… my first kiss from you, sorry," he apologized with a small pout.

She nodded her head, revealing a slight pang then continued, "The next was right after you left Demons' Run, when you found out who I was."

"Ooh, a much better kiss", he remembered fondly.

"Yes," then she let out a deep breath," but since you hadn't done Berlin yet, it was too early…You were still too young."

"Ah, now I see why you were trembling and a bit frantic." He then wrapped his arms even more securely around her as she melted into his embrace.

"Tell me, how did you know to come at this exact time?"

"Tardis telepathic circuits," he stated.

"Clever," she said touching his face. At this affectionate declaration the Doctor beamed like a school boy, making him look even more adorable. Then River leapt off his lap and stroked the console affectionately. "Thank you, dear for bringing him." All of a sudden River's hand went to her forehead, "O…Oh," and her eyes closed in an attempt to focus on what was entering her mind.

"What is it?" asked the Doctor.

"Telepathic message from the Tardis, just a sec…She has… something… special for us. This way," said River grabbing her husband's hand. He sensed something too, though not as clearly as River. They went down a hallway around a corner, right, and then left until it seemed like they were at a dead end.

"Perception filter… a hidden door," he surmised, noticing the distortion when reaching beyond the perceived wall. The Doctor grasped River by her shoulders drawing her closer; she understood what he sought, touching her forehead with his to establish a mind connection.

He then spoke the following words together with River:_ "…_an entry which only we can locate, and go through when both our psyches are in tune with one another."

Lifting his head he looked directly into her eyes. "Most interesting…shall we?" He said offering her his hand. Both eagerly anticipated the surprise that awaited them. She took his hand stepping through the door and over the threshold. They were both awestruck and a bit at a loss for words as their eyes meandered about the room.

"It's full of all kind of…things," he said in curious amazement and for lack of a better word.

"Yes…ooh the mind races," said River as she did a tiny jump clapping her hands closely together.

There was a rather large swing, a floor-to-ceiling pole, a double sized hammock, comfortable looking beds/platforms of varying heights and compositions, cushions of every size description, shape and texture, along with some peculiar looking contraptions and cuffs, even a trampoline. The room had sconces on the wall along with adjustable lighting and tiled mirrors all over the ceiling. There was a refreshment station full of all types of beverages and a musical jukebox filled with playlists of varying descriptive moods/scenarios.

"Look over there, those are some rather interesting looking…toys?" he said noticing all the peculiar shapes. Along one wall was a small selection of books which the Doctor gravitated to, "Let's see what have we here… Oh…oh… yes well it is definitely making complete sense now." He noticed the titles on the spines of the books – '_The Kama Sutra'_ – '_The Joy of Sex'_ – and another book with Gallifreyan symbols among others. Nearby were various lotions, lubes and incense of every variety imaginable.

"Well, you do call her Sexy," River reminded him of his term of endearment for the Tardis.

"She… likes you… a lot… Never has there been a room like this before. She knows the mind of her child very well, I think."

"And yours, too." River added.

"Most probably so; Sexy has made a… sexy room," he said with a gulp.

Then River noticed a wardrobe, "Let's see what's in here." There were all different kinds of dressing gowns and other seductive outfits, satin sheets and cotton sheets of extremely high thread counts, blankets that just felt fabulous. "So exquisite," she remarked.

"Hold on, what's behind this door… River, come check this out," called the Doctor.

It was a door to the most luxurious bathroom you could ever imagine. Double vanities, huge mirror, separate 'his and her 'toilets, a bidet, even a wall urinal. There was a sauna, a Jacuzzi and a large shower stall with all kinds of water jets that you could point every which way imaginable.

The Doctor and his wife walked back into the initial room. "This is like our own private sanctuary. A place set apart – a sacred space even," she stated ardently.

"Sacred?"

"Yes, many ancient cultures regard the sexual act and intimate relationship of husband and wife to be highly illustrative of the close relationship one should have with the Divine," explained River the archeologist.

"Oh yes, I've always found that to be an interesting concept…The next question is… where to begin," the Doctor asked somewhat overwhelmed but all keyed up.

River then swiftly reached into the wardrobe, seized a blanket and flung it onto the nearest comfortable spot. "Right there looks good to me," she said as she approached him ravenously, grabbing and pulling him close.

She was about to plant a major one on him when he teasingly remarked, "My, someone's impatient." They locked lips and continued snogging while she strategically maneuvered them. At just the right moment she pushed him down as they continued their efforts while clothing was rapidly flung hither and yon.

A very short while later:

"I think… that has to be… a new record!"

"Mm Hmm….," she said in agreement still half laying on him with eyes closed wearing nothing but a thoroughly satisfied smile.

They both lay there for a minute or two while their breathing returned to normal. As they began to feel a little chilled he pulled the blanket over them both.

"Seems I wasn't the only impatient one," remarked River.

"Yes, apparently we both needed it," he replied kissing her on the forehead.

She moved off of him and then said, "Before we continue on I need just a little shuteye." She yawned, rolled over but was still snug up next to him.

"Oh, okay. You have a bit of a lie-down while I do a little…uh…research," he replied as he dimmed the lights and grabbed two nearby books and switched on a reading lamp. The book he had opened had an all white cover with the title in red with the words '_The Timeless Guide'_ across the bottom. At first his face was most concentrated, every once and a while his eyebrows would raise and he would turn the book ninety degrees with a somewhat mystified expression. After a few more page turns, his eyes really lit up and a huge grin appeared along with a small suppressed quiet giggle. He proceeded to thoroughly examine every aspect of the picture before him and used his imagination to ingrain the image into his brain. "Ooh, definitely got to try that one," he said to himself with a small nod of his head. After a while he laid the book opened face down on the bed to save the page.

He finally picked up the other book and started reading it. This one had no pictures but he seemed to be enjoying it just the same. Eventually River began to stir and she rolled back towards her husband, "What are you reading?" she asked somewhat sleepily.

"Erotic poetry," he replied.

"Read it to me."

He cleared his throat then began to read:

"Shapely and graceful your sandaled feet,  
and queenly your movement—  
Your limbs are lithe and elegant,  
the work of a master artist.  
Your body is a chalice,  
wine-filled.  
Your skin is silken and tawny  
like a field of wheat touched by the breeze.  
Your breasts are like fawns,  
twins of a gazelle.  
Your neck is carved ivory, curved and slender.  
Your eyes are wells of light, deep with mystery.  
Quintessentially feminine!  
Your profile turns all heads,  
commanding attention.  
The feelings I get when I see the high mountain ranges  
—stirrings of desire, longings for the heights—  
Remind me of you,  
and I'm spoiled for anyone else!  
Your beauty, within and without, is absolute,  
dear lover, close companion.  
You are tall and supple, like the palm tree,  
and your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates.  
I say, "I'm going to climb that palm tree!  
I'm going to caress its fruit!"  
Oh yes! Your breasts  
will be clusters of sweet fruit to me,  
Your breath clean and cool like fresh mint,  
your tongue and lips like the best wine."

"What book is that?" she asked very curiously.

"_Song of Songs_ – from Earth – ancient Hebrew Scriptures, I read a portion of chapter 7 in a contemporary idiomatic English translation from the original language."

[_The Message version; read the whole book, dear reader, and note some interesting parallels_.]

"Yes, I've heard of it; sounds divine, the words are actually considered holy – inspired by God." Then with a joking lilt in her voice she continued,"Besides the title has 'Song' in it so it's sure to be top-notch." This caused the Doctor to chuckle, and then he continued reading to the end of the book.

River then spied the other book he had on the bed. "Ah, what fascinating things have you found in that one?" She said noticing the book's title – '_The Joy of Sex'_.

"Oh yes, tell me… what you think…of this?" He said showing her the picture.

She carefully examined it, quickly reading through the description, "Ooh, I see why you'd like that one." This made him blush a little and she responded by lightly jabbing him in the side.

"Oi, careful," he teased her. She knew just where he was ticklish.

"The big question is…how to get from point A to point B in order to attain the desired goal?"

"Got it all worked out." He said touching his head with his index finger. "We've got to take this one slowly…need to savor each and every moment."

"I'm ever so keen… carry on," enthused River. She loves it when he takes charge in matters such as this.

"Computer, play slow mix."

'_**Unchained Melody', **_by the Righteous Brothers, began to resonate _['Melody' in the title, so appropriate_]:

'_**Oh… my love… my darling…I've hungered for your touch…A long lonely time…And time goes by… so slowly…And time can do so much…'**_

[_Insert fantasies here…use your God-given imagination dear reader; sorry, keeping my story to the T rating_.]

Then the next song, '_**Time in a bottle', **_by Jim Croce [_but in this case a Tardis_]_:_

'_**If I could save time in a bottle…The first thing that I'd like to do…Is to save every day…Till Eternity passes away…Just to spend them with you…If I could make days last forever…If words could make wishes come true…I'd save every day like a treasure and then, again, I would spend them with you…'**_

[_Just get a copy of the book and pick your favourite page; find the songs on you Tube, or your preferred streaming service, for inspiration, they all have some mention of time_.]

The final song in the mix, '_**Endless Love**__'_, by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross [_because the Doctor hates endings and he's a sentimental idiot_]:

_**My love, there's only you in my life, the only thing that's right... My first love, you're every breath that I take, you're every step I make... And I, I want to share, all my love with you, no one else will do... And your eyes, they tell me how much you care... Oh yes, you will always be, my endless love….'**_

[_Was it good for you?]_

"Ooh… that was… a good one! ...Correction – great! …For a usually…clumsy person…you're remarkably adept…when focused," she said in a congratulatory manner between breaths.

"Why thank you…wife," he replied rather smugly pleased with himself.

"You're quite welcome…husband."

"You know what I am ready for next?"

"What?"

"Trampoline!" he yelled, bounding of the bed with excitement of a little kid, "Geronimo!"

"Hold on, I'm coming," she said scrambling after him.

After jumping together for a while, on the inset trampoline, they both ended up in a right major state of giddiness, falling all over each other.

"That was rather enjoyable…Don't think we've ever laughed so much," she told him.

"Just loved the way your hair moved and…the way other 'parts'…bounced and jiggled," he replied in a very flirtatious voice as his eyes moved up and down.

"You were pretty cute yourself," she said as they both continued to laugh. Eventually they regained a certain amount of composure.

"Would you like something to drink, lemonade?" he suggested.

"Sounds good, lots of ice please."

"As you wish, my dear."

While he prepared their drinks, she reached into the wardrobe and found them some dressing gowns.

"You know, in all the excitement and subsequent activities, I haven't asked you where you came from."

"I was with your parents at their home – the invasion of the very small cubes, all over the planet. We were monitoring them, after four days of them doing absolutely nothing I became quite stir-crazy."

"So no idea what they are or what they are going to do?"

"No nothing, I've got the Earth newsfeeds interfaced to the psychic paper to alarm if there's anything new."

"When was all this?"

"…During the month of July."

"Is there anything in the newsfeed from then to the following June?"

"Let me check…No, nothing."

"Hmm, I have a suggestion, if there is still nothing happening by June 26 you should take my parents somewhere nice for their anniversary – Mum has always wanted to stay at The Savoy. Why don't you take them there shortly after it was newly opened?"

"That's a grand idea, she does like a good bit of history." He said taking a final gulp of his lemonade." Is your thirst satisfied? Are you ready for something else now?"

"Hmm…how about the swing and other contraptions?" suggested River.

"Ooh, can we throw in some of those…cool toys?" asked the Doctor, sounding like an excited child.

"Only if I get to blindfold you," she teasingly replied.

"Deal…time for Shenanigans!" he replied with great delight.

Much later that day found them both relaxing in the Jacuzzi.

"This is odd," said the Doctor.

"What is?"

"We're not running."

"You can't run all the time."

"But that's what we do."

"You need to make time for reflection, recharge the batteries, reconnect with those we love," she replied throwing a smile his way.

He smiled back, "By the way I quite enjoyed that dance you did with the pole…you're quite…um…talented."

"Anything for you, my love," replied River.

"Don't think I've ever felt so sated and content but there is one more thing I need."

"What Sweetie?"

"A good long slumber," he replied. She was pleased since he rarely slept, not that he normally needed that much.

"Glad I can wear you out," River added."This whole experience will make for an interesting diary entry."

The Doctor looked a little alarmed at that, "Try to keep it to a T-rating."

"I'll do my best," she promised with a wink.

[_So the next time the current companion asks the Doctor and his wife, "Where you two been then?" And River answers, "In our sacred place." You, dear reader, will know_.]


End file.
